Something to know about me if we’re going to be friends: I am the biggest jinx in the world. If I’m rooting for you in any way, shape, or form you might as well pack it up right now. You are destined to fail.
Exhibit A: There is really only one sports team in the world that I earnestly root for. Who is it?
The Carolina Panthers.
While they’ve always been my hometown team and therefore I am legally obligated to root for them (that’s how it works, right?), I really only started actually paying attention to them in 2010. Please check out the Panthers’ win/lose record from 2010 to now:
- 2010: 2-14
- 2011: 6-10
- 2012: 2-6 (so far) (P.S. We’re last in our division. We’re worse than Tampa Bay. TAMPA BAY, PEOPLE. I’ve watched Tampa Bay games. They don’t even fill the stadium halfway and it’s only about the size of your average high school stadium ((well, it looks like that to me, and TV is supposed to add 10 lbs!)). People in Tampa don’t even like Tampa Bay! And we’re worse than the Saints! Who don’t even have a real head coach right now and, like, half of their good players are on suspensions or something. The NFL decimated them and we’re STILL worse).
How did they do the prior 5 years? I’m glad you asked:
- 2005: 11-5
- 2006: 8-8
- 2007: 7-9 (this was my last year of law school, I probably watched some of these games because I didn’t care about school anymore)
- 2008: 12-4 (I got married this year so I went back to not caring about football)
- 2009: 8-8
More proof: Several weeks back, my husband and I were watching a full day of football and I picked out 4 good teams to root for to make the games interesting. I think all of the teams were favored to win which is why I picked them, because I wanted to feel like a winner. Every. Single. Team. Lost.
You know who I used to root for before the Panthers? The Charlotte Hornets. THEY DON’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE, THAT’S HOW MUCH OF A JINX I AM.
Seriously, any team, person, whatever I root for loses. Whether it’s games, reality shows, or elections, if I’m pulling for you, you are doomed. It’s gotten to the point that if I watch the Panthers play, I will now watch it like this:
I tried this for the first time last week for the Panthers/Redskins game. I listened to the entire game under the blanket. We totally won. There were a few times I came out from under the blanket to get some fresh air. I swear, every time I came out and saw them play, they got a penalty.
By the way, the only other time we have won this season? I was on an airplane during the game and couldn’t watch.
I am thinking of renting myself out. Have a big game coming up that you really want to win? $50 and I’ll root hard for your opponent. You’re welcome.